The Recipe for Success
Ingredients:
- Failure
- Heartache
- Criticism
- Self-loathing
- Alienation
- Loneliness
- Blood
- Sweat
- Tears
Instructions:
You must suck and suck and suck and suck, until you don’t suck anymore.
(Adapted from friend Joe Kyle Jr.)
176
It’s no surprise that people are reportedly unhappy in marriage. After a day that’s been sold to us as the “happiest day of one’s life,” where can you really go from there?
175
Saying that unfettered competition is the best thing for society’s progress is like saying bulimia is the best way to lose weight. It might work superficially, but it’s unhealthy and tends to rot from the inside over time.
174
It’s New Year’s Eve.
My resolution: Make sure to keep a steady rotation of vices in 2015 to give each organ ample recovery time.
173
Although people generally take care of their cars, the same advice doesn’t seem to apply to the body. They don’t drive 110 mph, slam on the brakes, and do e-brake turns. That sort of “endurance training” ruins the vehicle. But for a person, you know what that series of grueling maneuvers is called? A triathlon.
172
You can judge the relative prosperity of a city by the length of the lines for artisan coffee.
171
They say that dog-owners resemble their pets. I wonder if Mark Twain had a schnauzer.
170
People have always told me to follow my heart, but my head gives better advice. If I followed my heart, I’d be a fat stoner living on the beach in a house full of puppies.
169
I’m really embracing the “rags” era of my “rags to riches” journey.
168
The perfect accessory for a job interview? A yarmulke.