Here at PharmaJoy, we’ve helped our customers conquer depression, anxiety, obesity, ulcers, hypertension, infertility, schizophrenia, impotence, rapid heart palpitations, cold hands, body dysmorphia, arachnophobia, and more! After three incredible years in business and an outstanding relationship with the FDA, we are proud to release our greatest achievement yet in the continued quest toward the pharmaceutical mastery of the human condition: Enamorex®. The Love Pill.
So how does it work?
PharmaJoy’s patented formula works with your brain to stimulate feelings of romance! It targets activity in your A10 cells—also known as your LovePlex Matrix®—select cognitive areas which have been scientifically associated with love, including the ventral segmental area (VTA), the caudate nucleus, and the nucleus accumbens. These dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, and testosterone delivery systems are associated with reward, craving, and motivation. We tailor-make Enamorex® based on your past history of relationships—jealousy behaviors, selective proclivity, and overall interest in sex—for the perfect solution to your woes in love!
So who’s right for Enamorex®?
Are you afraid that you’ll end up sad and alone? Have you recently suffered a breakup or a noted pause in your romantic feelings for your life partner? Or perhaps you have taste in the type of person which doesn’t please your parents?
Enamorex® is here to help you gain total control over your romantic destiny!
Meet William—a 37-year-old startup-founder living in a studio apartment in San Francisco. Although this modern Romeo exudes the kind of confidence to make kings blush, finding his Juliet through online dating hasn’t been easy. From OK Cupid to Coffee Meets Bagel, from Tinder to Cuddlr, he simply felt unable to find love amidst the long hours spent wooing venture capitalists for funding. One day, however, this young entrepreneur took his relationship future into his own hands! Rather than being half-interested in his kangaroo court of online dates, he enlisted his data-wizard friends to analytically evaluate the most eligible of his prospects. Once they reached a decision, William started taking Enamorex® to fully appreciate the bright future in front of him!
“Before Enamorex®, I would have stumbled on this objectively perfect specimen and would not have been able to appreciate her potential! Bridgette is my one-and-only supporting cast in my hopes and dreams! In that vast pool of eligible bachelorettes and my own weighty career ambitions, I needed help, and I’m so grateful that I finally feel neuro-chemically fulfilled.”
– William, happy customer
Meet Jessica—a 29-year-old barista at an artisan cocktail bar in Brooklyn. She’s been with her boyfriend Channing since she was 23, initially attracted to his status as a lawyer, since she herself had harbored ambitions to go to law school. They fell in love, married early, and she eventually found out that he’d received his law degree from a fly-by-night, for-profit online degree program, and was virtually unemployable. The allure was gone. She knew that a divorce would be costly and ill-advised given her ballooning student loan debt from the Arts Institute Program where she was enrolled in her fifth year, so she decided to fall back in love with her husband and asked her doctor about Enamorex®!
“This is, like, a total miracle drug! I just, like, wanted that old spark, you know? This pill has made all the difference! Channing and I totally watch Netflix together again. ”
– Jessica, happy customer
Meet Lisa—a gorgeous 39-year-old magazine intern living in Omaha, Nebraska. She’s terrified of getting too close to people. After experimenting with girls for several years, buying thick-rimmed glasses, and getting several tattoos in courier font, she realized that she really seeks the love and approbation of her parents who are patiently waiting for grandchildren. Foreseeing the complications of coming out as a lesbian to her family, she decided to try Enamorex® instead.
“All of that stirring in my loins used to only come from girls. But now I take a pill and get to choose a partner who pleases my parents. For anyone in gay conversion therapy, I’d really recommend Enamorex® as a supplement. I’ve been with a man for four months now and fingers crossed that he’s the one!”
– Lisa, happy customer
Whatever your romantic needs, Enamorex® is there to help you through it. Check out more successes on our Facebook page and if you’d like your story featured, please use #Enamorex for your chance to win an unforgettable vacation for two!
Enamorex®—Because Love is a Strange Bird.