Drug use is just dress up for adults.
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Who creates the adorable acronyms for legislation? The RAVE act to thwart venues where drugs are commonly sold? The CALM law against the ear-piercing volume of commercials? I’ve got one: I propose the RAMEN Act, Resolution Against Making Education Non-affordable.
Scary Perry
Governor Rick Perry claims that his proposed mandatory STD vaccinations for 12-year-old girls weren’t influenced by his ties to Merck, a pharmaceutical company that donated $30,000 to his campaign. What people don’t know, however, is that at that time, his former chief of staff was working as a lobbyist for Merck. Coincidence? Psh. And plus, since when is a dude who refuses to support teaching kids about condoms concerned about sexual health? Google damn him.
An “Elective Aristocracy”
If people started to call our government what it is, an “elective aristocracy”, would people’s attitude toward politics change? In the wake of Citizens United, the ironically named Supreme Court case giving corporations unlimited spending on political campaigns, this seems especially appropriate.
Your Shit is All Relative
The best way to get better is to help someone crazier than you are.
A Matter of Political Convenience
This guy blows lines, freebases and shoots nearly 1/2 gram per day, but refuses the cup of coffee because “caffeine is bad for you.” Reminds me of war-mongers bellyaching about the exorbitant cost of “Obamacare”.
Obama’s Pussy Deficit
Where were the deficit-concerned Tea Suckers and fiscal conservatives when Bush started two wars, expanded Medi-care prescription drug entitlements and cut taxes throwing us into record-setting debt? Let’s not forget that Obama is waving a sword at a shitstorm tidal wave set in motion by the last administration.
Fat-dicts
To the miserable crusaders of the punitive War on Drugs: it doesn’t make sense to deny drug-addicts treatment on the grounds that they’re the “authors of their own fate”. Two-thirds of American adults are obese. Should we also punish these individuals by withholding expensive medical procedures on the basis of their lifestyle choices?
We’re all “Icts” and “Olics”
Drug addicts are despised because they hold a mirror to the unsavory consequences of our own intoxicating lust for “success”: selfishness, betrayal of those we love, and ultimately loneliness. There’s a razor-thin line between the dope fiend estranged from friends and family, and the workaholic.
Hungry, Hungry Congressmen
In the Kangaroo Court of Congress, truth is more comically delicious than fiction. Satan Sandwiches are best served with a large side of Freedom Fries. For dessert, we can fight over the Biggest Piece of the Pie.