Indoor soccer shoes? Check. Tiny caffeinated beverage? Check. Zealously waxed faux hawk? Double-check. Folks, we got ourselves a “European”.
33
Getting older is great; rather than experimenting with my vices under peer pressure, I now genuinely enjoy them.
32
By definition, fathers get a bum rap. I mean they’re literally “mother-fuckers”.
31
A great band once mused, “All the lonely people, where do they all belong?” The answer is Cinnabon. Without question.
30
“Gays in Foreign Militaries 2010: A Global Primer”. I can already hear the laughter of future generations.
29
I hate to say it, but she had sex with you simply to gain another Twitter follower. There’s no other explanation.
28
Masters speak through their timeless works, but instead of touching them, you can only fondle their creatures.
27
Show me someone who doesn’t pee in the shower and I’ll show you someone who wastes water.
26
She looks like she got supremely dressed up about 36 hours ago.
25
I’ve never been attracted to Bruce Willis. He looks like he smells of cheeseburgers.
