Category: Take a Trip With Me

Did American society hit its apex before we were born, or have we been force-fed a moderately skewed version of our greatness? Where is this fabled Land of Opportunity when over one-third of our children live in poverty? Something isn’t quite right in the United States. While no country or society is perfect, I’ve observed that some countries simply do things better than we do. The central purpose of this thread is to present some alternate systems from around the world to serve as examples for how effective we could be.

First, a caveat: in the argument that follows, some would say that I’m being unfair to the good ol’ U.S. of A. It’s true that as an American, I’ve enjoyed opportunities that will never be afforded to the vast majority of people in the world. I recognize this and concede that I am eternally grateful for the medical, economic, educational, and other infrastructural blessings which have allowed me to become who I am. It would be a disservice to future generations, however, if I were to sit idly by after traveling the world for several years and rest on the laurels of these privileges.

I believe that the United States has a moral responsibility to be an even better country given its vast wealth, technology, diversity, and above all, the character of most Americans. We strive to be good people. We want to work hard. We want to have careers in which we can help those in need. For all these reasons and more, we have a moral obligation to be a better country. It’s uncomfortable to admit, but we have a recent history of being a short-sighted, self-serving aggressor who nearly eliminated the Native Americans; enslaved Africans in the name of economic progress and false racial inferiority; installed countless dictatorships in the Americas and the Middle East; and continues to be ruled by a corporate- and politically-minded oligarchy rather than a true democracy. The darker side of our past (and present) is beyond the scope of this essay, but I highly recommend Howard Zinn’s bestseller “A People’s History of the United States” for those who are interested.

Here’s what I’ve observed to be the greatest disparities between what I was taught to believe and what I’ve since learned about our country:

• We pay lip service to the importance of education while our children are placed in crumbling public schools or luxurious private facilities depending on the income level of their parents.
• We drum up patriotism for international conflicts despite mass international condemnation of our aggression.
• We hold military bases in over 130 countries despite our declining influence around the world, the dying gasps of our propagandizing megaphone of democracy, freedom, and the oft-repeated obligation to “protect American interests.”
• We assert that we favor women’s rights despite the underrepresentation of the Second Sex in business and government, and their overrepresentation in the media’s voyeuristic eye and sexualized exploitation.
• We pretend to value the health of our citizens while we skewer the Affordable Care Act either as not going far enough to help the needy and uninsured or as a socialist abomination riddled with illusory “death panels” and anti-American values.
• We express a vehement anti-drug attitude while American doctors prescribe enough opiates (e.g., Vicodin) to keep every single American medicated 24-hours per day.
• We profess that we are an economic example to the world when there are Americans working full-time who struggle to escape poverty and have to rely on a shrinking number of public services.
• We publicly maintain that we have a fair justice system when people are given different legal fates for the same crimes based on the color of their skin and the price of their lawyers.
• We pay our educators, artists, and social workers a tiny fraction of what we pay our most shameless lawyers, investment bankers, and entertainers.
• We assert to protect the mothers of our children and yet we are the only developed country in the world without paid maternity leave or a viable system of childcare.
• We continually stress the importance of the economy and paying down the national debt while our garages swell with electronics, furniture, and other perfectly good items we throw into storage after upgrading to keep up with the Joneses.
• We are brought up believing in the importance of individuality, and yet we constantly judge ourselves according to a flawed social barometer.
• We are raised with an assumption in a meritocracy, and yet those with the wealth and preexisting social connections are continually rewarded.

In sum, we masquerade as a Land of Opportunity despite the fact that some countries do things much better than we do.

I’d like to make two more notes before I begin: I advise you to travel, and to travel widely. Once you learn to approach people on a platform of human commonality rather than difference, the world becomes a better place. Sure, there are a few assholes everywhere, but after living long-term on four different continents and traveling to 40+ counties, I’ve truly begun to appreciate this shared fate we have as humans, despite the manufactured conflicts and petty xenophobia we have pumped into us based on largely arbitrary national boundaries. Traveling is the absolute best thing a person can do to truly educate oneself. In my opinion, the top-tier universities have nothing on a person who observes the world voraciously first-hand with an open heart and an open mind.

Lastly, who am I to give an entire country advice on how to run things more effectively? You’ve got me there. I’m simply a concerned citizen trying to open people’s eyes. I derived these ideas from my own observations, and I’m thankful for those countless researchers, policy-makers, and formidable intellects I’ll be summoning to support my ideas.

Thank you for being so interested.

 

CASENOTE #1: ENHANCEMENT OF THE FEMALE’S FEEDING VESICLES AND OTHER CURIOUS ASPECTS OF HUMAN ATTRACTION

Before establishing contact with the Humans, it is imperative that we gather as much information as possible about their social relations, leaders, recreational activities, and other characteristics we deem necessary to prepare ourselves for a range of outcomes as we strive to develop interplanetary relations and forge a peaceful exchange of knowledge, culture, and cookie recipes.

One of the most puzzling phenomena to date has been the methods by which Humans attract one another for mating purposes. The following observations are derived from a representative sample of 5 metropolises over the course of 1 Terra hour:

1A. Enhancements and reductions

The Smaller Sex (“Female”) sometimes sustains surgery to expand the size of its natural feeding vesicles (“breasts”). While the results may draw moderate attention from members of the Larger Sex (“Male”), I’m unable to determine a useful medical function for the cumbersome, dual sacks of saline solution. Some practicable purposes include:

• To improve buoyancy in large bodies of water
• To guarantee entry into exclusive nighttime gatherings (“clubs”)
• To prop up objects such as gossip magazines while in a position of repose
• To safeguard the Human from rolling off the bed in its sleep
• To create a counterweight to titanic buttocks for balance purposes
• To produce a convenient, fleshy slot for the safekeeping of cell phones and other valuables

Motivations notwithstanding, it is assumed that the inflation of these pendulous globules puts undue strain on the back and may impede the performance of daily activities such as driving, typing, and carrying one’s yoga mat. While further observation is needed to determine the utility of surgical procedures, other common, non-essential modifications were observed including changes to the nose (reduction), lips (enhancement), abdomen (reduction), and buttocks (results may vary).

1B. Hair

The Male displays ornamental tresses around the cheeks, upper lip, chin, neck, and chest. By contrast, the Female typically avoids growth in these areas and others, and may even trim or rip the hair from the upper lip, eyebrow, underarm, leg, and genital areas using blistering wax in established centers of torture (“beauty salons”). While redness, swelling, and discomfort are common, these practices are nearly universal for those of a breeding age. For the Male, the facial hair styles vary from wild and unkempt to a clean, naked visage.  Without proper grooming, it’s been observed that the eating process can be impeded. It is unclear which style of presentation the Female prefers, although excessive hair along the upper lip (“mustache”) tends to incite either social admiration or tacit ridicule. Generally, the Female spends a significant amount of time maintaining its head-hair and displays a dizzying array of styles and colors. It is presumed that these decorative configurations attract the Male and vary in shape from a tidy, spherical gathering atop the head (“bun”) to an untamed arrangement resembling a toxic gas cloud (“frizz”).

1C. Teeth exposure

In the presence of other Humans, it is common to draw back the lips and reveal the teeth (“smile”). The appearance ranges from a glowing assembly of polished moonrocks to a rotting cacophony of sulfurous shards, the former being deemed considerably more attractive and associated with affluence. Teeth exposure is done with differing degrees of wrinkling around the eyes, and is often accompanied by short bursts of sound (“laughter”). The Female and the youth seem to engage in these practices more frequently, while the Male is more inclined to grunt, bellow, or scratch itself when engaged. It should be noted that the Male can be rewarded for eliciting teeth exposure in the Female with further contact, both social (“dates”) and physical (“sexy time”). Furthermore, the Female may extend its lips into a nursing position to increase their prominence and the subject’s purported sex appeal (“duckface”).

1D. Clothing

Humans generally cover parts of their bodies with clothing as it is deemed legally inappropriate to go without. While the amount of coverage has a -0.721 correlation with temperature, exceptions are noted. The Female in particular may opt for tight-fitting, cylindrical garments (“dresses”) exposing the extremities to the elements, and may rely on the extra clothing of the Male in times of need. Additionally, the Female frequently wears stilted footwear (“heels”) which hinders movement, but increases height considerably. I surmise that this is done to ward off predators, or perhaps to drum out unique mating calls on hard floors. The Female possesses the greatest abundance and variety of clothing, and is more likely than the Male to seek further acquisitions (“go shopping”). The Male, by contrast, sometimes wears decorative neck objects which require some assembly and range in shape from dangling, elongated diamonds (“ties”) to neater throat arrangements which resemble the silhouettes of distant satellites (“bowties”).

1E. Coupling

For short-term mating relations, the Female takes an array of variables into account such as conspicuous wealth, musical ability, or level of intoxication at time of first meeting. For long-term relations, the Female may create a list (mental or literal) of traits it holds to be relevant to finding a partner for life. Several conversations about said lists are observed and include words such as kind, perceptive, intelligent, intuitive, funny (i.e., ability to elicit teeth exposure), tall, strong, stylish, polite, independent, handsome, caring, clean, successful, sensitive, generous, etc. The length of these lists is inversely proportional to the age of the list-maker. I am unable to find evidence for similar lists on the part of the Male, who in considering both short- and long-term mating relations, appear to be relatively indiscriminate. As part of the initial stages of courtship, it is common for Humans to engage in a series of bodily contortions to the rhythm of music (“dancing”). The styles range from delicately refined avian movements (“ballet”) to sweaty, simulated acts of sexuality (‘freaking”). While the diversity of techniques is beyond the scope of this guide, a correlation is noted between a Human’s dancing ability and alcohol intake. Also, while it seems most common for the Male to pair with the Female, this is by no means the only arrangement. Either sex can pair with one of its own, although Humans from some areas frown upon this practice for unclear reasons. Other rarer mating phenomena of note include group gatherings (“orgies”) and interspecies relations (“beast-love”), particularly in agricultural regions.

ADDENDUM: While this is by no means a comprehensive analysis of attraction and mating in human civilization, it should suffice as a useful overview in preparation for establishing first contact. The more we understand in advance of our scheduled landing, the more likely we’ll be to enjoy a fruitful, mutually respectful relationship with the inhabitants of the Blue Planet, Home of the Best Cookies in the Galaxy.

I’m staring out of a filthy window of one of the top public libraries in Buenos Aires. The surrounding buildings and parks would be lovely, if only I could see them clearly. Years of industrial development and city pollution have created a greasy haze on the glass’s exterior, and it makes me nauseous if I look at this sadly distorted skyline for too long. Here I sit, resting my weary feet atop this grimy castle, and reflecting on how bleakly difficult it was to get in here.

It’s late spring, and the air is lushly humid. Puddles of refuse commingle with the thick scent of jasmine, and riding my bike for 20 minutes from my apartment in Belgrano feels like a triathlon. I’m thankful that the cheap chain on my secondhand “bici” only unhinges once on my journey to the southeast, although smears of black lubricant cover my inner right calve after my ancient steed leans against my sweaty leg at a traffic light.

Jon and I finally arrive at a tall, seemingly top-heavy that reminds me of the Geisel library on the UCSD campus, if that building had an older, dilapidated aunt that had smoked from birth. We get into the first floor and wait for the elevator for five minutes. Although I keep mopping up the moisture from my face, I feel like it’s dripping onto the cracked tiles beneath my feet, and it makes me self-conscious among the well-dressed students and young adults who seem unmiffed by the stifling heat.

We finally get to the 6^th floor and are told that it’s only for students. Unfortunately I’d left my decade-old Berkeley ID in the states, so entrance to this floor was looking unlikely. The 5^th floor, we were told, is where the gen pop (I use a prison term purposely) congregates.

We try to walk in, and are told that we must show our passports and register on the 1^st floor before gaining admittance into this fortress of learning. I told the woman we didn’t have our passports, but I could show them copies if they had wireless internet, a feature common to even the lowliest cafes all over the city. “No señora, lo siento. No es posible. No tenemos internet aqui.” I used my intermediate Spanish to convince the woman to let us use our passport numbers and dates of birth which I did have handy, and 20 minutes after arrival we were ready to start working. Not so fast. We needed to empty our backpacks and put them into a locker before passing through security.  We grabbed our laptops, locked up our empty backpacks, and took our registration slips to security to finally be let into the space. The guard stopped us, took our passport information, and asked for the type of computers we were using. She recorded all of this information, and finally we had gained entrance to… the library. We looked around this grim testament to the broken nature of Argentinian public facilities and noticed that there were no books, just rows and rows of students pouring over notebooks. It turns out that people can’t even check out books here. They are solely for use in the library, although Jon and I had trouble locating any books at all.

For me, this experience reflects a deep distrust of the Argentinian people on the part of the government. How can a nation expect economic, social, and other types of progress when all of the citizens are treated like children who can’t control their baser instincts? Who would want to go to the library to better oneself when the whole process is such a demeaning pain in the ass? Sure, there are a couple of thieves here and in every country across the globe, but does that fact trump the primary importance of access to an education?

This distrust of the citizens is reflected in other ways as well. It’s nearly impossible to receive packages from foreign countries. I’ve had to tell my friends and family not to send anything for Christmas because those boxes will get held up indefinitely in customs, a notoriously corrupt system where people are sometimes charged more than a package is worth in bullshit “import charges,” even for gifts.

Another example is the public statues and historical sites. There are some gorgeous fountains and other types of monuments which are surrounded by imposing, unfriendly fences, sometimes with security guards, and people are not allowed to get close to them. I can understand a fear of graffiti (and in Buenos Aires, there’s a lot of it), but letting the juvenile misgivings of a few egocentric teenagers ruin the accessibility for everyone is incomprehensible to me. Buildings can be repainted; statues can be scrubbed; sidewalks can be hosed down. A cage won’t stop the most nefarious people who have unshakable designs on defacing public property. So why make everyone else in a largely respectful, compassionate public feel like common criminals?

These systems and more are long broken in Argentina. Without an environment of stability, mutual trust, and communalism, the country will continue to sputter along in abysmal malfunction  with a frustrated, fractured population.

What I’d like to imagine is the small but important step of treating public libraries as well as other facilities such as the city-owned Museum of Decorative Arts.  It’s housed in the mansion of some early 20^th century aristocrats. It’s well-kept and people are allowed to bring their backpacks inside without a prohibitive registration process, and this place houses works of art by Rodin, El Greco, Manet, Corbot, and others. If the lavish excesses of past generations are open to the public, surely we can ease up on (and even improve) the common person’s sanctuary of self-edification. I’d like to see more of these ancient, luxurious structures turned into libraries for the public. My guess is that the first asshole to pull out a can of spray paint would be stopped by citizens grateful for and protective of their beautiful bastion of learning. That’s the type of relationship we should have with our public institutions, if only the governments would give us a chance.

I lived in Niigata from 2007 through 2009. The Japanese separate most of their trash into 5 or 6 types, although the number of bins in any given prefecture can run in excess of 20. All of these, by the way, are collected on different days. The once-quiet Niigata community suffered a cataclysmic crisis when I tried to dispose of my broken toaster oven. Innocently, I put the appliance outside among other people’s large trash: mattresses, bookshelves, computer parts, etc.

The following day, my company received a call reporting an abomination, an unforgivable stain on the Asahi Mansions in which I resided. Yours truly had disposed of her damaged toaster; I calmly took responsibility and agreed to hold onto it until the proper “large unburnable” trash collection day. No problem, right? PROBLEM. The landlord wasn’t finished with me. I’m an easy target for the Japanese trash bureaucracy because gai-jin (“foreigners”) just don’t understand. Psh. Well, this guy tries to blame the blonde for not only the oven, but a laundry list of other appliances, including a VCR, a vacuum, a busted TV, and even some improperly sorted garbage (putting plastics with the burnables is a big no-no). I refused to take the heat for any of this other shit; my manager wanted to preserve the social harmony and suggested that I take all of the rubbish into my house anyway.

In a very polite, indirect, and essentially Japanese manner, I basically said, “No fucking way.” The next day, I found a pile of crap outside my door, all marked with stickers saying #202 (my apartment number). Apparently, the junk had been informally “registered” at my apartment. Furious, I called my manager, who spoke once more with the landlord; they told me that, apparently, all of the rubbish was mine because there were stickers on it that said #202. Wait, let me get this straight: I hadn’t had time to get a decent cell phone or my Japanese foreigner registry card, but I had adorned all of my refuse with neat little stickers? Such a crock. The rubbish war raged on. Sometimes my ears burned walking down the streets; some old women seemed to be whispering,

“Oh, that’s the girl!”

“Yeah, did you hear about that toaster oven?”

“She didn’t?!”

“Oh yes… she did.”