Category: Quips

Things that delight me: 1) The “Most Interesting Man in the World” is named Jonathan Goldsmith and lives in Vermont. 2) Vladmir Putin, whose most recent attention-grabbing stunt involved leading a migration of endangered Siberian cranes via hang glider, asks Goldsmith for tips on enhancing his public allure.

addiction (noun): a toxic preoccupation with instant gratification and a subsequent rejection of one’s responsibilities to friends, family and employment in order to camp outside the Apple store for iPhone5.

I too jump for joy and click my heels when standing on a giant slice of bacon.

Stephen Colbert’s middle name is “Tyrone”. I did not see that one coming.

A platypus is a duck designed by a committee.

The credo “Fake it Till You Make it” isn’t very useful in Sexaholics Anonymous.

My advice to kids worried about the competitiveness of college admissions: apply to Penn State.

Is the opposite of a “little bit” a “lotta bunch”?

According to pseudo-athletes, you can effectively corral your stomach fat into ab-like corpuscles! Yay, America!

More people should embrace the central pillar of humanistic philosophy. I believe Socrates put it best: “It’s better to be a sucker than an asshole.”