The word “enthusiast” is the foundation of every good euphemism: urban camping enthusiast, change-collecting enthusiast, heroin enthusiast…
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If somebody writes a touching memoir about being marooned on the Carnival cruise ship, we’ve reached an impressive new low in humanity.
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She unfriended me. Beset by inconsolable grief and with no other choice, I did what any reasonable person would do: I poked the shit out of her.
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I’m at the liquor store and I forget my ID. I pull out my work badge for substance abuse counseling and say, “Now what kind of substance abuse counselor would I be if I hadn’t experimented with a couple of my own? Trust me. I’M OF AGE.”
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My pickled is totally brain. Too much fun in the sun.