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Author: Jocelyn

Posted on September 26, 2011September 26, 2011

61

My body is killing me, but my spirit is frolicking in a loin cloth.

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Posted on September 26, 2011June 13, 2012

60

Here’s a thing: my stapler can also be… a castanet.

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Posted on September 26, 2011September 26, 2011

59

Bush’s deficit could beat up Obama’s pussy deficit any day.

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Posted on September 26, 2011June 13, 2012

58

Oh, Facebook… that’s somebody’s daughter.

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Posted on September 26, 2011September 26, 2011

57

She defriended me. Beset by inconsolable grief and with no other recourse, I did what any reasonable person would do: I poked the shit out of her.

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Posted on September 26, 2011June 13, 2012

56

When I grow up, I want to be a vertical supply curve.

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Posted on September 26, 2011September 26, 2011

55

Too much caffeine this morning and I’m a little shaky. At least it will enhance my tooth-brushing abilities.

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Posted on September 26, 2011September 26, 2011

54

To the woman who always ignores my questions: you have skin like a moldy ginger root. A lumpy potato at best. That is all.

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Posted on September 26, 2011September 26, 2011

53

If I elect to change jobs, can I use the “lame duck” defense so I can get paid to do nothing for a couple months?

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Posted on September 26, 2011June 13, 2012

52

Hillary Clinton denying all WikiLeak reports that she called the Syrian president a “big poopy face”.

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