My body is killing me, but my spirit is frolicking in a loin cloth.
60
Here’s a thing: my stapler can also be… a castanet.
59
Bush’s deficit could beat up Obama’s pussy deficit any day.
58
Oh, Facebook… that’s somebody’s daughter.
57
She defriended me. Beset by inconsolable grief and with no other recourse, I did what any reasonable person would do: I poked the shit out of her.
56
When I grow up, I want to be a vertical supply curve.
55
Too much caffeine this morning and I’m a little shaky. At least it will enhance my tooth-brushing abilities.
54
To the woman who always ignores my questions: you have skin like a moldy ginger root. A lumpy potato at best. That is all.
53
If I elect to change jobs, can I use the “lame duck” defense so I can get paid to do nothing for a couple months?
52
Hillary Clinton denying all WikiLeak reports that she called the Syrian president a “big poopy face”.
