You Become Where You Live

The best decision I ever made was not where I went to college, the career I pursued, or whom I married—it was the one-year roadtrip my spouse and I took to figure out where to buy a house.

This dream was brewed in 2015 over many Malbec-drenched nights in San Martin de los Andes, the Patagonian lake town where Jon and I lived for 5 months. Very early on in our relationship, we’d moved from San Francisco to Argentina—the country abroad that was European enough for Jon and Latin American enough for me. 

After a few months in Buenos Aires, we were ready for somewhere cozier and greener. Following a random conversation at a dog park in our Belgrano neighborhood, we were convinced to move to a place we’d never heard of on the border with Chile.

Because San Martin was so friendly and picture-perfect, Jon and I hatched a plan to explore a variety of midsize American cities when we returned to the States. We made a short list of what appealed to us: we wanted a university town with abundant nature, progressive values, kind non-pretentious people, and a solid bike infrastructure.

On our roadtrip, Jon and I stayed with family or in AirBnBs to get a feel for the local hospitality. We especially loved Fort Collins (Colorado), Asheville (North Carolina), and St. Pete/Dunedin (Florida). Those towns spoke to our bike-loving hearts and leftist ideals. They also had excellent breweries.

Some people are lucky enough to be born where they belong—Jon and I were born seeking that feeling, living abroad and traveling widely through our 20s. The opportunity to choose Eugene (and now, also Yachats) has allowed me to become who I am. Planted in a east coast soil, I wouldn’t have flourished in quite the same way. I enjoyed a wonderful upbringing in Laguna Beach, California, but the appearance-obsessed culture, traffic, and desert landscape never quite fit me. I’m a hiker attracted to wide open spaces, mossy fern-filled forests, and King Tides. 

I love the wildness of Oregon, especially on the coast. The surf is powerful and unpredictable, carving lush inlets around capes and natural bridges through lava rock tide pools. Sometimes the rain and wind are so intense they drown out conversation or blow you off your feet. It’s not for everyone, but it’s absolutely the place for me.

For those who have the means, starting with the question where do I want to be? allows everything else to fall into place. I’ve lived in London, Niigata City (Japan), Porto Alegre (Brazil), San Francisco, and many other places along the way. 

When you choose a place, you’re adopting an aesthetic and a group of people with shared values and customs. You get a local government, land-use laws, specific tap water, and seasons. You inherit an area’s decisions about how much public space to protect versus how many “No Trespassing” signs you see. More than any other variable, your environment shapes your opportunities and future.

In my experience, being a small fish in an enormous pond (especially as a young adult) pays off—I had incredible job opportunities in San Francisco for several years. It may be tempting to move to a more affordable state such as Texas or Missouri to afford a 3,000-square-foot house, but with that change comes decreased tax bases and wages. Low local taxes may mean fewer public spaces and vast privatization of the most desirable, beautiful land—the areas along mountain ridge-lines, rivers, and lakes are open only to wealthy landowners and those who can afford private club memberships. If you choose to be the big fish in a cheap state, you may also find your financial situation shrinking relative to the rest of the world. (It’s easier to travel abroad with California wages, for example, rather than those from Oklahoma.) 

I still carry parts of everywhere I’ve lived with me. I adopted the Japanese custom of shoe removal and the Brazilian/Argentinian ritual of drinking maté. I regularly cook Southeast Asian dishes, and for a while, I asked questions with a Londoner’s polite upward inflection. And perhaps no place sticks with me as much as Mexico: I speak the language, spend 4-6 weeks there every year, and my personal style, art, and home decorating have embraced the bright palettes of Chiapas, Oaxaca, and the Yucatan Peninsula. 

In my life, I’ve fallen in love with at least as many places as people. Laguna Beach, Berkeley, San Francisco, San Martin de los Andes, Oaxaca City, Annecy (France), Eugene, and Yachats. Every time it happens, my priorities shift. Everything flows from your surroundings. Don’t let your boss tell you where to live, if you can avoid it. It’s a privilege to choose where you lay your head each night. Find that place you love and see who and what else fall into place.