Category: Ruminations

Anyone who has traced the powerful evolution of a specious rumor must doubt the supremacy of any one set of beliefs.

Colleges, rather than being places of honest intellectual inquiry, increasingly look like overpriced factories pumping out cogs for the oligarchy. Why are some of the best minds of my generation creating complex derivatives for financial markets, manufacturing need for useless products or cooking up algorithms for SEO? The worst part is that where the money flows reflects our distorted priorities. We reward ruthlessness over thoughtful contemplation and mistake management skills which maintain the system for “wisdom”.

The real winner of the Supreme Court’s decision to uphold the Affordable Care Act: Mitt Romney. Thank you Mitt for fathering healthcare reform in Massachusetts. Your chief adviser, MIT economist Jonathan Gruber, was the architect of both Romneycare and Obamacare. Without your tireless efforts to secure affordable healthcare for your state (not to mention the individual mandate), this ruling wouldn’t have been possible. Thank you.

The uselessness of car headlight wipers where it doesn’t snow; whether Jared gets laid for making all of those Subway commercials; why people didn’t realize that a volcano called “Eyjafjallajökull” was predestined to create a shit storm; the mysterious rise of bands like the Jonas Brothers; how Q-tips are the jewel in the crown of human achievement; and that Greek dude Clitoris that all of the ladies keep talking about.

Whether they’ve been thumbing through too many copies of The Believer, or they’ve suffered minor brain damage from falling off their fixies, one thing is for sure: they’d be able to stare vacantly at their Ritual coffee cups if only their Buddy Holly glasses could cut through those tufts of ironic hair.

Governor Rick Perry claims that his proposed mandatory STD vaccinations for 12-year-old girls weren’t influenced by his ties to Merck, a pharmaceutical company that donated $30,000 to his campaign. What people don’t know, however, is that at that time, his former chief of staff was working as a lobbyist for Merck. Coincidence? Psh. And plus, since when is a dude who refuses to support teaching kids about condoms concerned about sexual health? Google damn him.

If people started to call our government what it is, an “elective aristocracy”, would people’s attitude toward politics change? In the wake of Citizens United, the ironically named Supreme Court case giving corporations unlimited spending on political campaigns, this seems especially appropriate.

The best way to get better is to help someone crazier than you are.

This guy blows lines, freebases and shoots nearly 1/2 gram per day, but refuses the cup of coffee because “caffeine is bad for you.” Reminds me of war-mongers bellyaching about the exorbitant cost of “Obamacare”.

Where were the deficit-concerned Tea Suckers and fiscal conservatives when Bush started two wars, expanded Medi-care prescription drug entitlements and cut taxes throwing us into record-setting debt? Let’s not forget that Obama is waving a sword at a shitstorm tidal wave set in motion by the last administration.